Who, what, when, where ,how and why

What's the matter with me? Why have I been starring at this blank page for two hours, blanking every time a thought crosses my mind? Why do I push back the words before they develop into concepts? Where is my muse, my rhythm, my life beat, and why did she leave? Why is the light from the screen, once serene, now blinding and binding my words in a place just out of my reach. Where did this swollen emptiness come from and why won't it leave? Why are these unspoken words screaming in my head for me to speak, but refuse to be released? What am I afraid of? Am I hiding from something lurking in the shadows of my mind? Is bigger than my conscious self can handle, so it must remain hid? Are my id and my ego playing keep away with some great mystery my super ego needs not know of? Am I nauseous because my conscious mind is beginning to smell the rotting remains of what the subconscious has let die and remain hidden? Who is that screaming in my mind to "wake up before I die!" and "let die what never lived!" and "what good is a lie?"? Better yet, how do I make the screaming go away and why do I here it every time I stand still, whenever words cease to be spoken, and every moment I am alone? Have I finally lost my mind? Am I really so lonely and insecure that I've learned to ignore good judgment, wisdom, common sense and my very own voice. Have I locked me up in a cage in the back of my existence in order to function in a shallow reality and ignore the emptiness that follows? When did i trade in who I was for who I am? When did I begin to over dose on mental morphine, and keep dragging myself around with a shattered spine? When did it become worth it? And how do I make it stop?